All Thanks To My Big CrossFit Booty

It’s A Gift And A Curse

Okay, even though I’m a guy…I’ve always had a big butt.

From the days of weighing 180# with barely any physical activity (unless Counter-Strike on the computer counts) to my uber slim days going into college, I’d always have some big junk in the trunk.

So What’s The Upside To This?

It’s one of the reasons squats and cleans come naturally to me. Sure, I did put in the time to learning these movements, especially the squat thanks to Starting Strength, but my ass really helped me progress rather quickly.

Same thing with push presses and jerks. I can barely strict press for my life, yet with a slight dip and drive, I can get more than 200# overhead.

And What’s Bad About It?

Clothing just fits weird.

Especially when I was fluctuating in weight before I found a nutritional plan that worked for me (Slow Carb), my ass would make my clothing look awkward. Even if my core area wasn’t that big, it’d still look like I had a gut thanks to the way my ass would stick out.

Fortunately, I’ve been gradually leaning out, so things aren’t so bad…or so I thought.

We Had A Big Festival In My Area

So of course, I used my “Carbicide Saturday” cheat day to party with friends still in the area. We ended up at this local bar with a much wider variety of people than usual thanks to this big event.

I was simply chatting with some friends and enjoying the atmosphere when all of a sudden…a motherfuckin slap on my ass sobered me up. Then a booty bump to my ass got me to turn around.

Knowing that no girl worth talking to would do such a thing (hey, I could be totally wrong lol), I decided to simply turn around just to give a kind smile and continue on with my business. I had a pretty good vibe going on.

Then…once I turned around…all I could think of was.,..fdkfdhkdsdshHAHHAFKDYF&#I%RJFRSRFEF…



Yes, the Pokemon #gottacatchemall

Yes, I still did smile…then once I turned to my friends I made some weird look and knew I had to bounce soon. That good feeling I had going was instantly squashed. Killed. Flaccid. Whatever you wanna call it.

Even Before CrossFit…

My booty has gotten me into some awkward situations.

I worked at a local Cold Stone Creamery one summer while in college, and once I got pretty comfortable bullshitting and joking around with my co-workers (mainly female), things started to get um…interesting.

My supervisor, who was a few years younger than me, would always slap my fuckin ass when I’d walk past her around closing time.

Okay now…so if I did the same thing…haha, nope…I’m not going there.

And yeah, somehow I was in pretty solid shape while working at Cold Stone that summer, despite the constant samplings during the workday. By the way, that Oreo shake they have in one of the sizes amounts to over 1500 calories. When we found the nutrition facts for our products buried behind/underneath the cash register, our minds were blown.

Mind is Full of Fuck

It Must Be This History With My Booty…

…that always gets me to laugh when coach tells us to touch our ass cheeks during glute-targeted stretches. Or maybe I’m just immature and will never get over that kind of humor.

Whatever it is…this kind of thinking gets me to focus on using my ass properly during the appropriate CrossFit movements. We’re always told random cues like “prison defense” and “squeeze your ass at the top” during things like push presses/jerks and cleans. I may be laughing my ass off (uh…) during coach’s instructions, but the humor actually is a constant reminder in optimal form.

And you know what? My power cleans and snatches are finally rid of most of my arm bending/pulling. It’s been more of my ass and hips getting the weight up there.

So Where Am I Going With This Post?

Alright, I’ll admit that I just wanted to blog about my ass getting that Pokemon’s attention, but I’ve realized while writing that humor and random stories like these can really help you with your CrossFit game. Then again, it also depends upon your learning style and the kind of person you are.

I can always link a series of events to something that’s happening in the moment. Also, if you can’t tell already, humor grabs my attention and helps me learn things rather quickly.

So the next time you get frustrated with your double unders or some other CrossFit movement…shit, you can even apply this to anything else in your everyday life…think of some random or funny event that can help you learn and improve on your current situation.

No matter how random, dumb, or stupid this event or reminder can be, just roll with it. You’re not doing this to impress someone else. All the validation you need is within.

Do this stuff for yourself 🙂


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I’m going to pretend that I’m trapped in some crazy ass ‘Saw’ scenario, where in a room with a big ol’ Venasaur and a jump rope, but the dude with the mask (is it dave castro…that sick bastard) says “150 doubles for time 3 minute time cap or she takes you home”. That ought to teach me.


    lolololol that’s too funny, dude. I like the way you think.

    Don’t get me started on Castro…well, here’s a vid of him drunk:


      Haha the first time I watched that I didn’t realize he was…now that I think about it he must always be drunk to come up with the stuff he comes up with.

elisa romaniello

as always you crack me up! One day in class we were doing push presses, i was partnered up with another female in my class and i was racking the bar(65lbs) she said to me” your so strong” i laughed and said” No, its because i have a big Puerto Rican ass and i finally found a good use for it!” she crack up so hard she couldnt lift the bar…note to self dont make your partner laugh as they are attempting a lift! I am greatful that my butt is big {now it looks good too} cause i did split jerks last week and did 70lbs and did 65lb thrusters during a WOD just this past mon…i am becoming one of the stronger women in my box thanks to my ass…lmao!! I LOVE MY CROSSFIT ASS and PROUD!!


    Oh hello there, Elisa! Glad to see you back here.

    It really seems like you’ve been progressing like crazyyyy. Some year you’re having so far!

    And yep, gotta love being part of the Nice Ass Club. It helps so much with CrossFit 🙂

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